Justice in My Bedroom

I think about what you may have wanted a lot

Did you want to be buried or laid to rest by ash?

Did you want a funeral with all your family and friends

Or just a small, quiet gathering, whispering compliments?

If you were still here, would you tell me what you wanted?

Would you come down and say, “I’m doing well,”

Tell me that you’re happy and that you’ll be around?

Would you say you’re sorry that you missed this present day

Or would you say a joke and give me that smirk you always gave?

I imagine if you’d come back I’d tell you all about my time

The time you didn’t have and that you were a gift of mine

I’d tell you that I cried every single day

I’d tell you that you leaving was the worst kind of pain

I’d tell you that my tears of joy were from seeing your face

That you looked just the same.

You’d say, “I just came back from the grave, and you think I look the same?!”

I’d say, “You’re a sight to behold; I can’t make jokes today.”

You’d pull me in your arms and make all the fear fade

You’d say, “I know it was hard, but at least I’m back this day.”

I’d worry about you constantly;

I’d say, “Don’t go outside!”

Don’t venture into the sunlight

What if you take a single step

And you’re just gone again?

You’d say, “I love you, and if that happens, it’s ok,

Because at least we have right now, and we can cherish today.”

I’d look up into your eyes, that have hints of red,

and say, “Please don’t go, I can’t handle that you’re dead.”

A tear would fall down your cheek, and you’d kiss me on the head

You’d tell me that you’d stay and we’d fall asleep in bed.

At first I’d feel your skin and the freckled arm you’d wrap around

But eventually your touch and scent would fade into silent sound

When we’d wake up, I’d see you stuck around

I’d tell you I was scared that you’d go, anyhow

You’d kiss me on the lips and tell me you still have to go

But the water in my eyes would sting, and I’d beg you no

But at least you kept your promise and stayed through the night.

You’d disappear into the air like a magic trick

I’d sit there wondering if you were real or if I was sick

But I’d think about what you said

and the way you’d looked that night

And I knew you were really there,

but you had to take flight.

You came back to let me know that you loved me even now

That not death could keep you from me at least for a little while

I’d look up at the sky and say, "I can’t handle that you’re dead,"

But thank you for the clarity in my cloudy little head

I'd smile and think of you often, as I do

And picture you here, again, in my bedroom.

© 2026 Adriana Crawford. All rights reserved.

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